'Tranquil' Just Isn't In Their DNA

April 12, 2014

I realized something today. I’m the mother of 2 boys (only took me a few years to grasp). And last time I checked I am not, and have never been, a boy. Because of this I feel ill equipped to raise males.

I’m terrified.

We were watching funny videos tonight and all of the stunts gone wrong are almost always performed by pre-pubescent, frontal-lobes-not-fully-developed dudes. And I see my kids faces as they watch these, and how hilarious they find them.

It’s not a matter of ‘if’ my kids will perform completely stupid stunts that involve a trip to the ER, it’s ‘when’.

At 7 and 3 we have yet to have any major injuries. I know young kids that have already ventured into antics that cause mild heart attacks to their parents. I’m lucky mine haven’t dared, yet. It’s just a matter of time.

Now that there are two of them it’s inevitable. They egg each other on in everything and one of them always has to be the winner. First to brush their teeth, first up the stairs, first to finish breakfast, first to the toilet. You name it. (I’ve noticed though that they never compete to be first to clean up, or first to hug mom, or first to share).

This morning as I was packing Danger’s lunch I heard them yelling at each other over breakfast. I told them to stop yelling and just eat. I was proud of the immediate quiet I heard thinking they had finally listened to me and my threats. Only to walk into the dining room and see them silently hitting each other thinking as long as I didn’t hear them that it’s ok to keep at each other.

I regularly hear things being yelled like “You are the chosen one!!” or “Mom….I’m not doing anything up here…” or “I dare you!” all followed by a crash and scream.

And it’s ridiculous how often I have to tell Little Lion to stop karate chopping his own wiener.

I’m learning (guessing) that this is all normal when raising boys.

I know one day this will translate into them quietly betting the other one that they should jump off the garage, or something equally as stupid.

I need to accept this and make sure the boys insurance is as comprehensive as possible. And in the spirit of acceptance I made the boys promise tonight to make sure that whatever stupid feats they ever attempt, they always make sure that at least one friend is there and preferably with a phone.

And now, I will fall asleep imagining all the awful things their little brains will cook up...