Idle hands and all that....
I’m embarrassed to even admit this. I’m 43 years old and I don’t have a hobby. I haven’t for a long time, maybe ever??
What defines a hobby? Something you do in your spare time? Something you would rather be doing instead of anything else? Something that makes you happy? Something creative? Something healthy for your soul/brain? All of the above?
Whatever you define it as, I have none. None of the above, no hobbies.
Sure, writing should count, and I suppose it does, but I don’t do it often enough. Yes, it’s creative, but it’s not something I’m always doing or thinking about doing. I don’t write until inspiration hits. Which I know is not the point of improving at writing, I should be writing all the time just to get better at it. Even if I don’t share any of it. But I don’t.
The closest things I have to hobbies are really just time wasters/brain shutting downers. My brain overthinks constantly so I tend to look for frivolous things like TV or phone scrolling so my brain will be pre-occupied with zombie inducing nonsense instead of the constant thinking, worrying, general wondering about life choices, and daydreaming it normally does non…stop…
But that’s not a hobby, that’s a coping mechanism. And a shitty one at that. Because I realize that pre-occupying my brain with something creative would probably have a better effect at calming my fried brain than the shit I do now.
I was on a date about a month ago listening to this guy go through his passion for making music, his time-consuming side hustle, and how he’s writing a book, all at the same time, you guys. I was so impressed. Then he asked me, what do you like to do in your spare time? …..Uhhh…..shit….. I said,” Not much, when I’m not working, I’m a mom”. But that, my friends, is a fucking lie and I’m sure he knew it. That might have worked when I first became a single mom, and my boys were very young and needed all of my attention. The fact is, at 11 & 15, I don’t have to spend nearly as much time being a mom as I used to. Half the time when they emerge from their rooms or are even home for once, I beg them to spend time with me! And my new job doesn’t want us working overtime so I can’t use that as an excuse either. When my work laptop closes for the day, there’s not one thought spent on work. I have zero excuse to not have a hobby.
I have thought of lots of things I wouldn’t mind doing but none of them make me very excited.
Reading? Sure, I should do that more but it’s not something that I can’t wait to do as soon as I have free time.
Obsessing over the fact that a new male “friend” hasn’t responded to my text yet? Christ, Sarah, that’s not a hobby. Grow up.
Crosswords/word games? That’s not a hobby, that’s something I do at the end of the day to fall asleep.
I used to do cross-stitch/knitting and I did enjoy that but I’m not sure my aging eyes can handle it anymore. And I was never very good at it, all I can make is one very long scarf.
Nature? Sure, nature is beautiful but I’m more of a “let’s go have a picnic in the park” type of nature lover than a “let’s go hike that mountain” type.
Listening to music/making playlists? That’s not a hobby. If I was also re-learning piano, then I would count music as a hobby.
Singing? My voice is not what it used to be… can that happen? Can you lose the ability to sing? (don’t answer that if you know all my bad habits…) I mean, I do love playing my music loudly and singing louder than it to my kids (ad nauseum) but that’s not a hobby, that’s just taking pure pleasure in their pain.
If being lazy, swiping around on dating apps, watching British cop shows, going down a social media rabbit hole, ignoring piles of laundry and household chores, daydreaming about being a Broadway star, having full conversations with the cats, and swearing profusely were hobbies I’d be flush with them!! (The Word doc wanted to change “swearing profusely” to “sweating profusely” and I feel seen and offended. Fuck off, Word. That’s not a hobby, even if it is true.)
I think part of my problem is my very annoying core desire to be unique. Something in me believes I need to have something odd or different about me to be considered worthy. I know, it’s a whole thing, and I’m trying to deal with it as part of my “I’m over 40 and should know better” phase that I’m currently in. But picking some off-the-wall hobby just to satisfy that need is stupid and would never last anyway. “Hi, I’m Sarah, I’m really into beetle fighting, extreme ironing and competitive duck herding. Aren’t I unique? Will you love me now??” (Yes, these are actual hobbies I came across in my search for a hobby...)
I need to find a hobby because the creative part of my brain has been withering and screaming for help for years and I’ve been ignoring it with crappy technology that makes me numb for too long. But do I need to be good at it? Or at least mildly good at it? I don’t think a hobby can last if you don’t a) get some pleasure from doing it and b) are at least somewhat decent at it. Sure, I could take up painting with watercolors, but I know I’m shit at it, and I won’t have fun. And yes, I know we all need to lower our standards at what is good, and what is fun. Could I have fun playing around with watercolors for one day and not care about the outcome? Absolutely. But could I devote time to it as a hobby and not be good at it, or at least have the ability to improve at it? I doubt it.
That narrows the field down, doesn’t it? Now I have to look for something in my wheelhouse. Something that I might have a bit of a knack for that I want to grow in and that I feel good while doing. Can you see my dilemma?? Right now, list 5 things you are decent at, love doing, feeds you creatively and isn’t part of your job. If you can quickly list off 5 potential hobbies for yourself, I’m very impressed and slightly annoyed by you. It doesn’t help that I have a family and friend group overflowing with immensely creative and talented hobby havers. I love you all, more than anything, but damn you guys. How can that much talent live in one person?? Yes, I’m talking about you.
At the very least I should spend my spare time doing a side hustle that makes money because Lord knows, that would be helpful. Or working on my health, getting some exercise every day. If I can’t find a hobby, I should at least be doing something more productive with my down time! Did you notice how it took me this long whining about having no hobbies to mention working out and losing weight with my free time? Yeah, I’m pretty much killing this “Sarah gets her groove back” part of my life, you guys….
Well….I guess if I can’t find one real hobby. The kind that makes me forget to check my phone and makes me feel creative and happy, then I only have one option….Has anyone seen my iron???